Sleeping with the Lights On

I can now say I’ve experienced an earthquake. Well two technically.

As my last post said, Port-au-Prince received a 4.7 aftershock around 4am Monday morning and a smaller one around 10. I slept through the first one and didn’t feel the second one. I headed into the hospital around 4:30 to get ready for my night shift. All seemed well, but everyone was slightly on edge talking about the day. Something didn’t feel right. Even in my facebook status I said, “. . .something’s up today.”

The night shift was going well and all our patients were tucked in, sleeping for the night. Debbie is a nurse from Alaska and I’d like to say one of the coolest people (she definitely is), but almost everyone here is amazing, so that goes without saying. We were finishing up going over medications in the charts around 1:30 when her eyes got really big, and about the time she got out the word ‘earthquake’ was about the time my brain decided to realize what actually was going on.

I can’t really put it into words, but I’m going to try. I actually heard the earth shaking--the crack of the first rumble is still ingrained in my mind. It was terrifying. Debbie and I shouted to each other to get outside and somehow my body took over and I ran down the few steps and out to where our patients were sleeping on their cots under the tarps.

Then came the screaming and crying. And praying. Our patient count was in the high 30s and with all the family staying there was around 50 people outside. Fifty people looking at me for guidance and comfort. Terror ensued and something kicked on in me and I remember running to everyone asking if everyone was ok, grabbing them water and trying to comfort them. Round two hit about 10 minutes later.

I was inside getting more water for people and trying to breathe. My mind kept saying ‘You’re alright, you’re alright. It’s over.’ It’s one of those moments when you can’t believe what just happened, happened. Then the earth started shaking again and I again ran outside. I told Debbie to wake up Dr. Brad and ran outside to move the patients that were under the cement overhang in case it got worse or it collapsed. Can you imagine the fear of these Haitians in our hospital (and around the country)? Almost all of them lost loved ones and/or are in our hospital because of injuries sustained in the quake, and here were two more aftershocks back to back in the middle of the night.

I wish I could forget the sounds of them crying and screaming. I remember running to one lady, Antionette, and holding her in my arms as the shaking continued. Antionette was pregnant and trapped in rubble for a week--I can’t imagine what she thought at that moment. She was yelling out prayers in Creole, I in English. . . praying for the ground to stop, arms held tightly around each other. Brought together from different worlds, yet, praying to the same God. When it ended I realized I had tears down my face and I was shaking uncontrollably. Most scared I have been.

Debbie and I began lifting the patients in their cots and carrying them away from the walls and from under things. The remaining 5 hours were torture. Even being inside the building to go to the bathroom terrified me because we were afraid a third was on its way. After our patients calmed down, a few hours later we asked Jonathan (our translator) if we could turn out the lights under the tarps so they could attempt some sleep. He talked with everyone and they said they would feel better sleeping with the lights on. Our lights stayed on all night.

The medical staff coming in the next morning were also extremely rattled, as most of them were woken from their sleep. I took the earthquakes pretty hard. Never before experiencing anything like that was bad enough, but having to hear the screaming and the terror my patients were experiencing was even worse; not to mention that Debbie and I were responsible for caring for them and if anything happened to them while I was there, I don’t know what I would have done. They kept looking to us for comfort and direction and God alone gave my mind some clarity and gave me strength I didn’t know I had.

The rest of the day Tuesday I can say I wasn’t doing too hot. We lost a lot of our staff that morning as they headed back home and that hit me really hard. I spent most of that day in a daze. Anytime a dump truck drove by and shook my table I would jump. Low planes also sent my heart racing and it took a lot not to show that inside I was panicking. Ryan and I were sitting outside that night and I found myself looking around the yard to determine where I should run should another one hit. Falling asleep that night took quite some time.

When re-reading my last post I can say that I was forced to take Psalm 4:8 and make it more than some words on a page. “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
Oh Lord, how You made me put this into practice this week......You watched me take baby steps of faith and have carried me through with Your strength. You, alone, have made me understand this verse in new light....

How arrogant my last post seems. Only 50 seconds changed the lives of so many? Really? Because I felt the earth shake twice for about 10-15 seconds each time. I know how long 15 seconds can seem. THAT felt like an eternity and that was a 4.7 quake. I have a new perspective of 50 seconds. I really can’t imagine how long that must have felt to those here on January 12th............

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, " says the LORD who has compassion on you. ~Isaiah 54:10

Much love,
Alisha

Prayer requests:

• A renewing of my spirit this week as I am emotionally drained
• Complete removal of fear as I don't want to live in fear of another aftershock
• Our new medical team
• The exhaustion many of us are feeling
• The beautiful Haitian people--their physical needs, but especially their mental health as they continue dealing with these aftershocks